为什么你应主动交代你的前任,前任给现任的交代

The last thing you want to hear out of a partner's mouth is the name of his or her ex -- but talking about an ex doesn't always signal romantic doom. In fact, it can help build a solid foundation for your current relationship.

从你的恋人口中，你最不想听到的就是前任的名字——可是，谈论前任并非总意味着你和他的恋情快要终结，相反，这能为你当下的恋情奠定坚实的基础。

Experts say the individual growth that leads to healthy, stable relationships begins with heartbreaks, and one of the best ways to turn past disappointments into future relationship successes is to share these experiences with your new partner.

专家告诉我们，一段良好的、稳固的恋情来自心痛和心痛后的个人成长。对你现在的恋人坦白那些心痛经历是从过去的痛苦中解脱，迈入新的成功恋情的最好的方式之一。

But how should you broach the subject? If you've kept in touch with your former flames on social media platforms such as Facebook, you've got an easy in, said Dr. Linda Young, a psychologist .

你要怎么开口谈论这个话题呢？心理学家，琳达·杨说，如果你与你的前任在脸书网这样的社交网络平台上还有联系，你就可以顺利的引入这一话题。

But dredging up stories of past flames can be treacherous, and it's worth taking the time to think about how to do it right. Here are five things to know before talking about an ex with your partner.

但是重提旧事，谈论你的前任可能有点背叛现任的味道，所以，花点时间想想如何正确处理此事将很有必要。在你向恋人谈论你的前任之前，要先了解如下五件事情。

1.Recalling past relationship mistakes makes you less inclined to repeat them.

反思自己在旧的恋情中曾犯过的错误能让你避免重蹈覆辙。

When you've been dumped, areas of the brain associated with addiction as well as physical pain light up, said Helen Fisher, chief scientific adviser to Match.com and a senior research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. Human brains have evolved to "attach" to other people after forming romantic bonds. When a relationship ends and that attachment severs, there's a huge emotional and physiological hit. After that, brain regions associated with processing what happened fire up.

Match.com的首席科学顾问，金赛研究所的高级研究员海伦·菲舍说，当对方提出分手的时候，你的大脑中那些与依恋感和心理疼痛感相关的区域都会趋于兴奋。在你和他人建立恋爱关系的时候，大脑会衍生出一种对对方的“依恋”感。当恋情告终，这种依恋关系断裂的时候，你就会感到巨大的情感和心理打击。在这之后，大脑中相应的应对区域就会兴奋起来。

2.Talking about past relationships can give your partner insight into who you are.

谈论过去的恋情能让你的恋人深入地了解你。

Aside from the evolutionary benefits, talking about your exes can help you communicate to your new partner how you grew into the person you are today. Often, romantic relationships serve as learning experiences that let you test the boundaries of your interests and needs. Reflecting on a past relationship can even help you find out something about yourself that you may have missed during the relationship and breakup.

除了脑部机制这方面的好处之外，谈论你的前任还有助于让你的新伴侣了解你是如何成长为现在的你的。恋爱关系往往能成为你了解自身的契机，让你更好的看清自己的爱好和需求所在。反思过去的恋情能有助于你更好地了解自己，了解你在那段恋情中所缺失的是什么，而这种缺失的东西正是你们分手的原因。

3.When it comes to talking about an ex, timing is everything.

当你准备谈论前任的时候，选好时机是最关键的。

The beginning of a new relationship may not be the best time to drop the ex bomb. Fisher explained that there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to timing, but you probably want to give a relationship time to develop before adding in any emotional third parties -- i.e., avoid talk of your ex on the first date.

刚开始一段新恋情的时候或许不是谈论前任这样严肃话题的最佳时机。菲舍解释说，至于何时为最佳时机，没有固定不变的准则，不过，或许你会想先给当下的感情一点时间发展壮大，然后再涉及到感情上的第三个人——也就是说，在初次约会的时候要避免提到你的前任。

4.Remember that perception may not match reality.

记住，现实的才是最好的。

When Fisher polled a representative sample of 5,000 Americans for Match.com recently, she asked people how long it takes them to get over an ex and found the average answer was about three months.

菲舍最近在Match.com网站上对5000名美国人做了一个抽样调查，她问这5000人，他们要花多长时间才能忘掉前任，最普遍的答案是三个月。

"But you know what? It's one of the few things I didn’t believe," she said. "I actually don't believe that. I've seen people take 10 years."

“但是你知道吗，这是世上我绝不相信的事情之一。”她说：“我当真不能相信。我见过有人花十年才能忘掉前任的。”

However long it may take you to get over an ex, how you talk about that person when you're in a new relationship can reveal a great deal. If you're still grieving over an ex, that can create a barrier between you and your current partner and signify that you're not "over it."

无论你要花多长时间才能忘掉你的前任，当你开始新的恋情时，你向对方谈论前任的方式都会表现出来你对前任的态度。如果你仍在怀念前任，就会在你和现任的恋人之间设立一个障碍，告诉对方你的上一段恋情还没有“了结”。

You can still have fond memories of your exes and bring them up occasionally, but be wary of spending too much time dwelling on the past.

你可以对前任仍然怀有美好的回忆，也可以想起他们，但是如果你花了太多时间回忆过去，这就要引起警戒了。

5.Know that the reason you're talking about your ex is to move forward, not backward.

要明白，你谈论前任的原因是你要向前走，而不是向后退。

Once you've shared the lessons of past relationships with your partner, it's best to continue to get to know him or her, form a new bond and create new memories -- don't let your current relationship stagnate. There's always more to learn about the relationship at hand, so you'll need to give it as much attention as possible.

当你和恋人分享了关于上一段恋情的教训之后，最好是进而去了解对方，然后双方建立新的情感联系，创立新的记忆——不要让你当下的恋情搁浅。对当下的恋情，你永远应该更多地了解它，应该给予它尽可能多的关注。

主动交代前任有哪些好处？

主动交代前任的好处，就是让自己心里更加坦荡，不会因此而感到不安，也不会让别人看出你心里的想法。如果一个人不主动交代，别人也不会知道你心里的想法，你也不会因此而感到不安，所以主动交代前任是一个很正确的选择，也能够让你的生活更加的幸福。1、主动交代前男友的事，会让你更加坦荡，更加自在，不用担心被别人看出来你的心事。2、主动交代前任的事，会让你们的关系更加亲近，不用因此而感到不安，你们之间也会更加的了解彼此，也能够更好的相处。3、主动交代前任的事，会让你们的感情更加稳固，你们不会因此而感到不安，也不用再因此而感到不安，你们之间的感情也会更加的深厚。4、主动交代前任的事，会让你的生活更加幸福，不用担心你的前任会影响你的现在的生活，也能够让你更好的面对你的生活。

你觉得情侣之间需不需要坦白过去的恋情？为什么？

一般情况下，我觉得情侣之间不需要坦白过去的恋情，因为容易让对方心里有负担。但如果对方已经发现了你过去的恋情，那就如实向对方坦白。

首先，主动坦白恋情容易让对方吃醋，也会产生一些心理负担。不论是男女，都是比较介意自己的另一半过去的恋情，因为每个人都希望完全拥有自己的另一半，不希望对方可能存在和前任有任何联系，或者心里还有对方。如果你不主动坦白自己过去的恋情，你的另一半不知道这些，就会默认你的心里只有她，会觉得你是更完整的。

一旦你坦白了过去的恋情，她就容易胡思乱想，总担心你会和前任有往来。而且也总是会疑神疑鬼你是否和前任发生过什么，或者甚至认为你已经不是单纯完美了，觉得你是个二手货。她会觉得自己付出这么多，结果只是得到了一个二手货，会觉得有些遗憾，会没有那么珍惜你。这些麻烦都会持续地影响你们日后的感情。所以，只要对方不主动提出要了解你过去的恋情，你就没必要主动坦白，同理，你也没必要去了解他的过去，因为你了解后，很可能心里会有疙瘩和失落感，因为你不能保证对方对待前任比对你要更好。

其次，如果对方已经了解了你的一些过去，逼你交代过去的恋情，这种情况下就没必要隐瞒了。情侣之间为了减少猜疑和不信任，所以应该尽量避免说谎。如果对方主动向你了解过去的恋情，一般情况下，他大概率已经知道了一些情况，只是向你做一些验证和了解一些细节。这种情况下，如果你还撒谎，只会让你们出现不必要的信任危机。在这种情况下，还是直接坦白比较好。